


Beyond the Confines of 64 Tiles

by dannieephantom



Category: The Queen's Gambit (TV)
Genre: Aka Beth gets her shit together post series, Beth Harmon-centric, Character Study, Closure, F/M, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Post-Canon, Slice of Life, Slow Burn, slow build romance
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-21
Updated: 2021-01-24
Packaged: 2021-03-09 19:26:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27651299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dannieephantom/pseuds/dannieephantom
Summary: As Beth heads back to Lexington after the turning point of her career, she navigates through life as she rekindles old friendships, sticks to her sobriety, and focuses on the people most important to her.
Relationships: Beth Harmon & Jolene, Beth Harmon/Benny Watts
Comments: 31
Kudos: 201





	1. I. Homecoming

The shift in temperature is the first thing Beth notices while getting off the plane and settling into the arrivals area of the airport. Moscow has infinitely been more freezing than the Kentucky weather that she was used to. Once she gets settled in a quiet part of the cushy airport lounge, Beth calls Jolene to pick her up. Her schedule got all kinds of crazy after taking that detour at the park. But, she doesn’t regret playing with those old Russians.

Jolene pulls up at the curb to where Beth was waiting with the rest of her bags. She gets out of the driver’s side and greets Beth with a warm familiar smile.

“Hey cracker,” She leans over the car door. “Should I still be calling you that, now that you’re a world champion and all?” She teases. Beth immediately feels at home with Jolene’s jabs and gives her a low chuckle.

Jolene makes her way around to hood to give Beth a hand, but before she has the chance to reach out to one of Beth’s bags, Beth drops everything she was carrying and gives Jolene a huge bear hug. “I missed you.” Beth exclaims. “I really wish you’d have been there with me to see it all. Moscow was so beautiful. Everything was different.” Beth lets go of the hug and gives Jolene a genuine smile, a rare thing for her.

“I know, I know.” Jolene rests her hand on Beth’s cheek. “I bet you got me somethin’ good though. All that time you had in Russia.” Jolene picks up Beth’s bags and makes her way to the trunk of the car. 

“Yeah, yeah of course. I got you a lot of things. It’s all in there. I had a hard time picking out what clothes you’d like, most of what they had on display were made for freezing cold winters. I know that’s not really your style,” Beth loads the remainder of her bags in the backseat and settles on the passenger’s seat, while Jolene gets back on the wheel. “Side’s—“ Beth continues, “security had been real tight, couldn’t even leave the hotel, let alone talk to anyone without supervision from Mr. Frowns-a-lot.” She rolls her eyes. 

“Mr. Frowns-a-lot?” Jolene gives her a look.

“I didn’t bother learning his name.” she shrugs.

“Uh huh, okay I ain’t judgin’.” Jolene throws her hands up in defeat. 

Jolene starts the ignition and sets off to Beth’s house. Beth had missed the back and forth between her and Jolene. She’d missed her during the weeks she was out in Moscow. It feels as though their unexpected reunion was cut way too short. She still feels bad for losing touch, after all these years, with the only person she considered family. Especially after what Jolene did for her during one of the lowest points in her life, to even give her the money she had worked so hard for for the invitational. _Who even does that?_ Beth thinks to herself. She has a lot to make up for for all the lost time. It’s Beth’s turn to put up an effort into this relationship. This sisterhood. For all the things Jolene has done for her, nothing would be enough.

At some point during the drive, Beth falls asleep, still heavily jet lagged from the nearly 20-hour flight. She dreams of freezing winters and pretty blond hair. 

Once they pull up in front of Beth’s house, Jolene shakes one of Beth’s shoulders awake. After a beat, “I’m up, I’m up.” She yawns and wipes the corner of her eyes

Beth and Jolene leave most of her bags by the foyer, except for one large suitcase that Beth brings to the adjoining living room. Jolene assumes it's the things Beth got for her while she was in Moscow. With her intuition being correct, Beth unclasps the large suitcase and an array of colorful dresses and bags spill to the living room carpet.

“Oh my god!” Jolene exclaims. “When you said a lot, I didn’t think it was this much. This all for me, Beth?”

“Uh huh,” Beth nods. “I even got you one of those Matryoshka dolls from a small boutique on the way to the airport.” She opens up one of the dolls and a smaller identical one pops out. “There are like 6 or 7 dolls stacked up inside, the lady at the store said it meant something special. Anyway, enough about the dolls.” Beth puts them aside and centers the suitcase full of clothes. 

“I know you’re much more excited to see the dresses I got you,” Beth chuckles. “Have a go at it then.”

Jolene runs to the nearest mirror and holds one the dresses against her body. “Girl, I should fund more of your trips overseas! Would you look at these dresses?” 

“There’re matching bags too,” Beth tosses one of the matching bags to Jolene. 

“No way, cracker. Now this is living!”

Beth and Jolene continue to rifle through the pile of clothes and bags, and Jolene continues to admire whatever she could get her hands on. 

By the time they got through all of them, Beth’s vision began to blur from exhaustion. The clock reads 12:23 AM and both ladies are beyond tired, from trying on clothes and getting caught up on what happened during the invitational. Well, most of what happened. Beth conveniently forgot to mention the call she got from Benny and the boys. She wasn’t quite ready to open whatever mess that was, just yet.

“I should get some rest,” Beth practically yawns at the end of her words. “I’m still pretty jet lagged from the flight.”

Jolene nods. “Yeah, of course. Let’s get you up to bed and I’ll handle the mess we made down here.” She rubs one of Beth’s arms. “I need to head out soon anyway.”

Beth disagrees. “I think you should stay the night. It’s way past midnight, too late for you to drive. The guest room is always open and you’re welcome to use that.” She offered.

It takes a little more convincing from Beth, but Jolene finally agrees with her offer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi there! Thank you for getting through the first chapter. 
> 
> First and foremost, I felt it was important to focus on Beth’s relationship with Jolene before anyone else when I was starting out this multi-chaptered fic. 
> 
> Second, in the series, I understand that there weren’t a lot of moments to insert Jolene in the picture. But I felt that Jolene, as a character, was criminally underused as a whole. I want Beth and Jolene to have a more prominent relationship, so I’ll do my best to include her in more scenes/chapters.
> 
> Lastly, as mentioned in the tags, this is a slow burn fic. I want to get the pacing done right before the awaited Beth/Benny reunion, so hold on to y’all’s hats. You guys, I just want to make sure that I do Beth justice, seeing that she was already very much her own person before getting tied to her varying relationships.
> 
> Also, big BIG thank you to user: Sarjear for looking into my work! Her feedback really helped me tighten this chapter up!
> 
> Anyway, I’m rambling. Let me know what you guys think!


	2. II. Letterhead

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> While letting the dust settle in her Kentucky home, Beth attempts to contact someone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter two’s bit shorter, but someone makes tiny and brief cameo.

It’s been a few days since Beth settled back into her usual routine. She is still trying to get used to the time difference while her mind is back in Moscow. Before Jolene left, she helped Beth unpack most of her things. It was only when she had to get back to work she left Beth with whatever was left. 

Beth unpacks one of the last things she got from the invitational—the trophy. She sets it atop of her mother’s baby grand piano, it’s bigger than all the other awards she won over the years. While admiring the set up, Beth remembers one other thing. She reaches the coat closet and takes out the familiar pristine white coat. Feeling out the pockets, she fishes out the lone chess piece. Nobody really asked her to return it, so she kept it—well, more like she hid it and no one noticed.

Beth walks over to the mantle and sets the small piece down, on top of the book, _Modern Chess Openings,_ right next to the framed picture of her and Mr. Shaibel. The shrine acts as a reminder of what she’d accomplished, next to the man she owes everything to. She crosses her arms and nibbles the sides of her thumb. 

Around nine in the evening, Beth observes the torn piece of paper stuck on the fridge, adorned with a set of numbers. She gnaws the corner of her lip before stomping across the kitchen and picking up the phone. Not bothering to take the piece of paper, she dials the number she knows by heart. Three rings before _he_ picks up.” _Hello?”_ She hesitates. It’s the first time she’s heard his voice since Moscow. _“Hello? Is anyone there?”_ The man on the other end repeats. 

_Benny._ She doesn’t say out loud.

It takes another 3 seconds before he sighs and drops the call.

Beth hangs up the phone. She honestly doesn’t know what to say to him or where to even begin. It’s been four days since she got back. Five days since their last conversation—if she could even call it a conversation. It felt more like a coaching, that, or a life line being thrown at her. She’s not even sure where they stand anymore. Things had ended pretty badly before Jolene swooped in to get her life together. Beth recalls one of the last things Benny says to her. _Don’t ever call me again._ So much for never calling.

It goes on like this for the next few days. At nine in the evening, Beth dials Benny’s number. He picks it up after the third ring, and she doesn’t answer him back. For a while, Beth thinks this is enough, just hearing his voice over the line. The familiar lilt in his voice.She misses him saying her name. 

By the fourth night, like routine, Benny answers after the third ring. _“Hello? Who is this?”_ Frustration evident in his tone. _“Look, whoever this is that keeps calling me, I won't be answering your calls anymore. I don’t know what kind of joke this is, but I’ve had enough, right?”_ Before Beth could say anything back, Benny slams the phone down.

She sighs and runs back up to her bedroom. She knows she shouldn’t get caught up in the moment. She needs to think things through. Calmly, rationally. Just like a chess game. She can’t go on a bender again. Not when she can finally see the support of her friends.

Beth does the next best thing. She grabs some left over stationery materials from the bedside table and starts to write Benny a letter. She’s not sure if she’s ever going to send it, but she pours her heart, nonetheless. She does her best to explain her side of things—the regret she felt during their falling out. She also thanks him for his mentorship, and whatever happened between them before Paris. She writes everything he might have missed since their last parting.

In the morning, before doubt and fear clouds her judgment, Beth seals the letter in a nice envelope and adds a stamp on the corner and sends it to New York. This small surge of courage is enough for her, at least Beth hopes so.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just wanted to say thank you to those who’ve read the first chapter, and an even bigger thank you to those who left a kudos and nice comments. I am shaking in my hypothetical boots right now.
> 
> Such good feedback for a first timer!
> 
> Again, huge thank you to user Sarjear for proofreading my work!
> 
> (Small note: the contents of Beth’s letter may or may not be revealed hehe)


	3. III. Dealing with the Wolves

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s months away until she can join another tournament. For now, she has to deal with the wolves.

Beth gets a call from the Federation the next day, asking if she’s already settled into the grind of things. She’s been putting off talking to the press for a while, wanting to make room and clear her headspace a bit. 

Unfortunately, she couldn’t delay things much longer and finally allows the Federation to schedule the press and interviews she’s sure to get in a few days' time. Beth understands this is all part of the package deal of defeating those  _ ‘ungodly commies’ _ , as they say, but she can’t help rolling her eyes at all the technical bullshit they’ve been spewing for the past hour.

“Yeah, yeah I understand. Could you all just handle it? All of it?” She resigns. “I’m still in Kentucky, trying to get used to things back home. If you need me to fly out just send me the details and all the documents I need.” 

“Yes, of course Ms. Harmon. We’ll be preparing your flight details for Washington. We’ll call you as soon as things get settled. Thank you.”

Beth hangs up the phone and crashes on the couch. This is gonna make things even more complicated, she huffs. “It’s okay. This’ll only last a week. Two weeks tops. Then things will go back to normal.” Beth comforts herself.

It’s months away until she can join another tournament. For now, she has to deal with the wolves.

* * *

Two days after the call, and she’s back on a plane to D.C. She’s expected to do a press tour for the next three days and meet with the President on Friday. Despite the elements of glamour, paid hotels, unlimited room service, even a security guard, Beth’s not looking forward to any of this. She just wants to go home, probably get a cat to take care of.  So, in lieu of her boredom and misery she decides to power through the next few days on autopilot.

Beth arrives at the hotel late in the afternoon. She picks out the clothes she’ll be wearing for press tours and orders in some dinner and the hotel’s best desserts. By the time evening rolls over, Beth calls Jolene.

“It hasn’t even started yet and I’m already bored.” Beth groans.

“Girl, you gotta get your shit together. A lot of people would kill to be in your position right now. Hello? Free room service? A bodyguard? You’re at the height of luxury, sweetie.” Jolene reasons, “Just power through it, okay? ‘Sides didn’t you bring any of those boring chess books with you?” She asks. ”Why don’t you read it in your free time?” She continues before Beth could sneak in a word.

Beth relents. “Fine, I’ll do something to occupy the time.”

“Good. Now you better stop moping around in that hotel room. Live a little, why don’t ya.”

Beth breezes past through the next two days. Answering questions, looking polite. She’s been giving them exactly what they want, but it’s taken a lot in her to look interested and engaged. 

By the third day, Beth’s already bored out of her mind. She notices that the questions were getting repetitive, lazy even.

_ What was Moscow like?  _

_ How different is it from the US?  _

_ Where did you learn to play?  _

_ How _ _ old were you when you started playing?  _

_ Who is your inspiration?  _

‘Have they not read the other pieces about me?’ Beth thinks to herself.

She’s not letting it get her head or inflate her ego yet, but come on. Beth expects them to at least get creative with the questions.

Before Beth loses all interest in this interview, one of the journalists catches her off guard. “We heard that you had an adjournment during your final match with Borgov, is that correct?” The man asks, Beth nods. “How were you able to prepare for this? Leading up to the adjournment, were you already sure of the moves you were to make the following day or did it take some analysis back at the hotel?”

The question piqued her interest. “Someone...” Beth clears her throat. ” Someone important once told me that the Soviets were that good in their craft because they approach chess like it’s a team game. They had each other to discuss gameplay and strategy during adjournments. That’s why they always win, they were never alone. But with Americans like us, we tend to take things head on. All by ourselves and no one else.” She takes a long pause.

“I think we, as Americans, all tend to be very individualistic. It’s something I could relate to, and to be honest, during the adjournment, I spent most of my time thinking of strategy alone. It was only when I got a call from some of my friends, that changed everything. They called me up from the other side of the world just to talk about possible combinations and game strategy. Can you believe that? It’s funny,” Beth brings a hand to her mouth, chuckling to herself. “There I was, so nervous about everything but all this time they’ve been staying up in god knows what time, studying my play with Borgov, coming up with counter attacks.” She opens, still in disbelief.

“All my life,” Beth continues. “I’ve always felt so alone, and I know I mentioned this in the past, but I was orphaned not only once, but twice, in a lifetime. In that moment though, I felt like I was the most loved person in the world. They weren’t there with me, but it was like I could feel them through the phone. It was our battle, our team. I wasn’t alone anymore.” Beth ends, wiping at the corner of her eye.

She powers through the remaining interviews she had for the day, yet somehow, that one question still swirls through the back of her mind.

The press tour ends without a hitch. Weary and exhausted, Beth goes back to her hotel room and collapses on the hotel bed.  _ One more day.  _ She thinks to herself and dozes off.

  
Friday goes by a lot quicker. Her meeting with the President was definitely something, but it was uneventful to say the least. It’s not like she wasn’t stunned at first, but he was just another man to her, and politics isn’t really something that she thinks about. She doesn’t care about the _political implications_ that come with beating the Russians at their own game. Whatever the hell that means. So they end up shaking hands, and doing a couple press shoots, the whole nine yards. The government is making such a huge deal out of this one tournament, and it’s not even the Worlds. Beth is focused on becoming a world champion, and if it starts by beating one of the greatest in the game, then so be it.

In the evening, while Beth packs up her belongings, her mind comes back to Benny. New York is only three hours away by train, an hour if she takes the nearest flight. Beth gnaws at her bottom lip, hands fidgeting. Maybe this is an opportunity to smooth things over. It’d be good to finally have a conversation with just the two of them, face to face. No bullshit this time.

Against Beth’s rational judgment, she takes the next flight out to New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> My first cliffhanger ending!
> 
> I'm posting this a bit early because I finished Chapter 4 today and I'm already starting Chapter 5.
> 
> Let me know what you guys think!


	4. IV. Close Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Snow starts to fall as Beth arrives at the apartment complex, bags still on hand. She descends into Benny’s dingy basement apartment, her heart pounding with every step. Okay here goes nothing, Beth thinks to herself.

Beth looks over the city from the window seat and reminisces the first time she’d ever set foot in New York, it was after the 10-hour drive with Benny, back when they’d finished the tournament in Ohio. She remembers crossing through the bridge overlooking the skyline. It felt ethereal and full of life, as the city lights danced through her eyes. Things have gone dimmer since then.

When Beth arrives at the airport, she wastes no time in getting her bags and immediately hails a cab by the entrance. 

Snow starts to fall as Beth arrives at the apartment complex, bags still on hand. She descends into Benny’s dingy basement apartment, her heart pounding with every step.  _ Okay here goes nothing,  _ Beth thinks to herself. She takes a deep breath and raps her gloved hands/fingers on the door.

No answer. 

Minutes pass and she tries again,but it was clear that no one was home. She clicks her tongue in disappointment. There wasn’t any indication that anyone’s been here in awhile. It should’ve been obvious to Beth, now that she notices a week’s worth of unopened mail and newspaper subscriptions. She sighs, rubbing her temples in frustration. “Great timing, Beth.” She whispers to herself.

After accepting the fact that Benny was, in fact, not here, Beth hauls her bags back up to the main entrance, feeling the exact opposite from what she had felt when she had first arrived.

It was getting late, nearing midnight to be exact. The neighborhood was beginning to be in a blanket of silence, with a few sirens wailing in the far far distance. Beth stands by the sidewalk leaning on the grated fence. She removes the glove from her right hand and fishes out a pack of cigarettes from her coat pocket. It takes a while to flick the lighter open, but once she lights the stick in her hand, she takes out a long drag, shaking her head as she puffs out the smoke.

“Are you waiting for someone, dear?” An unfamiliar voice suddenly asks.

Beth whips her head to where the voice came from and she sees a lady, probably in her late sixties, also taking a smoke at the foot of the stairs. Collecting herself, she asks, “Uh, you ever heard of Benny Watts? He lives down the basement apartment, but I don’t think he’s here.” Beth reasons.

“Benny Watts, huh.” The lady contemplates. “Oh Benjamin! The nice blond boy who always wears that kooky hat of his. Yes, I remember now.” She recalls. “I think he’s out of town, said something about a conference of some sort. He didn’t really say much, but he’s been out for a week, I think.” She ends taking a drag from her cigarette.

“Oh.” Beth says, her mouth downcast.

“Did you need something from him, dear?”

“No, I was just here to meet with him, but I didn’t know he was out of town.” 

The lady nods.

“Is it alright if I use your phone, Ma’am?” Beth asks, as she disposes the remains of the cigarette.

“Oh yes, of course dear. Let’s get you on up here.” The lady flicks the butt of her cigarette and guides her into her home.

“The phone is over there. Use it however you would like.” The lady points to the small telephone and disappears into what Beth assumes is the kitchen.

Beth reaches for a small, barely used, address book. She flips through the pages until she spots her name. She’s not sure if the number is still reachable, and she was the last person Beth would ever expect to call. She’d practically avoided her, after what happened last time. Despite the odds, she dials the number. Five rings this time.

“ _ Oui. Allo?”  _

Cleo. Beth sighs in relief but hesitates. “H..hello? Is this a bad time? It’s Beth.”

_ “Beth! Darling, to what do I owe the pleasure?” _ Her accent is heavy on the other line.

“Are you in New York by chance? I, uh, think I got myself into a little bit of trouble.” Beth looks around the stuffy apartment, a typical grandmother’s apartment. Florals were everywhere, and the furniture didn’t go together. 

_ “You just caught me! I’m in New York for three days.” _ Excitement all too apparent.

“I kinda need a place to stay. Just for tonight though, I’ll be heading back to Kentucky in the morning.” She reasons.

_ “Oh that’s no problem at all, darling. You can drop by my hotel for the night.” _ Cleo says almost suggestively. Beth ignores her tone and takes note of the address, dropping the call after giving her her thanks. 

“I should be heading out now, but thank you for letting me use your phone. Sorry, I didn’t quite get your name?” Beth inquires.

“The name’s Lucinda, and it’s no problem, dear. Benjamin’s been a very good boy, any friend of his is bound to be good too.” The lady smiles and waves her off. 

* * *

Cleo opens the door to her suite, practically draping herself over the door frame while a sultry smile paints her face. As she enters the room, Cleo kisses both her cheeks as a greeting.  _ “Long time no see, darling. How have you been? _ ”

Beth feels awkward. She lowers her bags by the entrance as she responds, ”I’ve been good. I just got back from a press tour in D.C” She clears her throat. 

_ “Oh yes, yes! For your win in Moscow is it not?” _

Beth nods.

_ “Well, you’re very welcome to stay for the night. You can even stay longer.” _ Cleo proposes.

“I’m fine staying just for the night. I need to head home soon anyway.” Beth shuts her and whatever mischief she was planning.

_ “Oh, how sad.”  _ Her tone, not sad at all. “ _ I was hoping to catch up with you. So much has happened since Paris. Anyway, would you like to have a drink?” _ She walks over to the mini bar.

Beth swallows, her throat feeling dry. “Just water, thanks.”

_ “Are you sure, darling? Just like old times. It’s on me.” _ She prods, holding a small bottle of champagne in the air.

“I’m sure.”

Beth thinks she may have made a mistake going to Cleo of all people. She was fun to be around, sure, and the night they spent together in Paris was great. The morning after, not so much. Traumatic, as Beth would describe it. She can’t help but think that Cleo is bound to be a bad influence, now that she’s trying to stick to her sobriety. Temptation is the last thing that she needs right now.

Cleo attempts to convince her once more. “ _ Just one drink?”  _ Beth huffs.

“You do know what happened after Paris, right?” There was an edge to her voice. The air in the room immediately shifts. No longer fun and flirtatious, but deep in tension.

Before letting Cleo sneak in a word, Beth continues, “I lost that match in Paris because I,  _ we,”  _ she gestures to Cleo and back at herself. _ “ _ decided to drink the night away. Knowing full well how important the next day was supposed to be for me. You should know, you were there when it all happened. I saw you.” Beth closes in on herself, but remains firm. “After losing Paris, things went pretty much downhill. I was so ashamed of myself, throwing a game that I worked so hard for.”  _ I almost didn’t make it to Moscow. _ Beth doesn’t say, not wanting to reveal herself further.

Cleo is at a loss for words.  _ “Look Beth, I’m really sorry.” _ She lowers the bottle in her hand.  _ “I truly, honestly, had no idea. I don’t even remember much of what happened, just that I had a good time with you.” _ She takes a step towards Beth and puts a hand on her arm as a way to comfort her.  _ “I know this is probably a long due apology, and I’m not even sure if it’ll make much of a difference, but I do mean it, darling. We can stick to coke and sparkling water.” _ She offers with a small smile.

Beth takes a deep breath. Glad to have gotten that out of her chest. “Yes, I would like that.” 

Beth and Cleo eventually catch up on the events that occurred since Paris, omitting most of the gritty details, but being honest enough.

While Beth recounts her days in Moscow, Cleo suddenly interrupts her, “ _ Wait, I forgot to ask, what brings you to New York all of a sudden? You said you’ve gotten in a bit of trouble. What happened?” _

Beth sighs. “Benny Watts.” She looks up at her.

Cleo nods in understanding, understanding immediately.

Morning comes soon and so does Beth’s return to Kentucky.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ho ho ho, I pulled a fast one on y’all. 
> 
> You guys, probably: 1 order of Beth and Benny reunion, please.  
> Me: Here you go! *Hands you a Cleo/Beth uncomfortable reunion instead*
> 
> But in all seriousness, I really wanted Beth to confront Cleo for what happened in Paris and what a better way to do that than by making her cold call Cleo in the middle of the night using Benny’s neighbor’s phone.
> 
> The question is tho, where could Benny be?? 🤔🤔 I guess it’s back to Kentucky we go, again sorry(not really) for the fake out.
> 
> PS: I might take a lil' breaky break after Chapter 5 and do some non writing things, this story has plagued my mind 25/8...
> 
> Let me know what you think of this chapter! I love hearing from you guys in the comments or you can yell at me on tumblr u/dannieephantomm xx


	5. V. Hung up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Beth, post-New York. Feelings are discussed.

Beth jingles her keys unlocking her front door. She’d been exhausted, not having gotten enough sleep before she flew in from New York. She enters the house, kicking the door closed behind her. She drops her bags at the foyer, not bothering with the mess and shoves her coat haphazardly in the closet. She makes a mental note to fix all of this after taking a long nap. Beth trudges through the staircase when she sees a figure from the corner of her eye.

“Nice of you to come back, cracker—”  
“Jesus Christ! You scared me.” Beth screams, holding one hand over her chest and the other clutching at the banister.

“I thought we had dinner plans last night?” Jolene ignores her, playing with the keys that she had given her a couple of months prior, while lounging on the couch.

“Shit.” Beth thinks out loud.

“Yeah, shit is right.” Jolene swings her legs to stand up and walks over to Beth. She notices the bags under Beth’s eyes and how sluggish the other girl has been moving. “Did you drink again? Are you hungover?” She asks Beth, examining her face.

“No! Of course not. I’m perfectly sober!” Beth says, defensive.

“Then where were you? I thought we were s’posed to celebrate the end of your trip to D.C.”

Beth stammers, opening and closing her mouth trying to form an explanation. She doesn’t want to get caught in a lie—Jolene will definitely notice something’s up, and she doesn’t necessarily want to lie to her. Jolene continues to stare at her, expecting an explanation—suspicious of her behavior.

Beth sighs, “I went to New York.” Her eyes downcast. “I flew out there immediately after the meeting with the president.”

Jolene furrows her brow, “New York? What’s in New York?”

“Can we talk about this upstairs? I just wanna lie down, ‘m pretty exhausted from the flight.” Beth deflects.

“Uh huh, okay sure.” Jolene side eyes her as they walk up the stairs.

After Beth gets changed into something more comfortable, she plops down onto the bed, right next to Jolene.

“So, are you ready to tell me why you ditched me last night? No calls? No nothin’?”

Beth turns to face Jolene, propping her head up, palm on her cheek. “You remember Benny Watts?”

“Yeah, that guy you beat in Ohio, right? What about him?”

“He’s why I went to New York on such short notice.”

“He owe you money or somethin’?” Jolene teases.

Before giving an answer, Beth mulls it over for a second, all of a sudden feeling shy. She’s never felt this way about anyone. The only way she could describe her feelings for Benny were like how tides were constantly being pulled in by the forces of the moon, a tug of war between the sky and the earth. She doesn’t know how to vocalize something that felt so inevitable. Like two planets orbiting each other in a slow waltz.

Beth comes back to herself. “No. I ,uh, went to visit him at his apartment. Guess my timing wasn’t the best. He was out of town for the week.”

“Uh huh.”

“Look, I didn’t exactly explain the nature of our relationship to you the last time I mentioned him. He was just another blip on the radar for all you knew but,” Beth straightens up. “before the competition in Paris and just after the Ohio Championships, I spent a couple of months with him in his apartment in New York.”

Jolene gives her a knowing look.

“Don’t look at me like that! It was strictly professional. He helped me prepare for my match with Borgov. We did nothing but play games and learn chess theories. He even called it a bootcamp, that idiot.”

“Uh huh.” Jolene purses her lips.

“He made me sleep on an air mattress. Whatever. Anyway, nothing really happened between the two of us, and he rejected me way back when we were in Ohio. Not until we played that stupid round of speed chess with his friends.” Beth almost whispers the last part. “After beating him in his own game, he asked if I was still up for it.” Jolene raises a brow, immediately understanding what it meant.

“So, you mean to tell me you flew all the way to New York from D.C to get some?” Jolene cackles. “That must be some good dick, cracker.”

“It’s not like that,” Beth groans. “I mean, it was, but we had a falling out. After I lost to Borgov the second time around, I couldn’t even face him. I was so embarrassed.” Beth lays on her back and stares at the ceiling. “He said he wanted me to go back to New York. To be with him.” Beth sighs. “I didn’t.”

Beth continues and recounts the other events that happened before Jolene came along—most of it Jolene already knows.

“I even called him to be my second in Moscow. But when I told the Christians to fuck off with their money, well he wasn’t too pleased with that. I don’t even know.” Beth rubbed her eyes. “There was a whole lot of arguing. I don’t remember most of what happened, at that point I was too high on tranquilizers and drunk on booze.” She sighs. “He basically told me to fuck off and never call him again.” That she remembers.

“Seems like you’re totally hung up on this guy.”

“Yeah, and you know what’s even more confusing? He gathered all of our friends and called me up in Moscow to help me with my last match. I don’t know if that means anything.”

“He called you up in where, now? In Moscow?” Jolene sits up. “What are you so confused about? It’s obvious that he cares about you, as much as you care about him.” Beth looks up at Jolene.

“He and the boys just wanted to defeat the Russians, Jolene.”

“No, he don’t! Who the hell else would gather up all your dumb friends and call you up in god knows what time to help you out on the most important thing in your life? That call ain’t exactly cheap, you know?

Beth groans. “I don’t know, okay? I thought I could handle meeting him in New York last night. But a deep part of me is terrified. What if he turns me away?”—”He won’t!”—”You don’t know that!”

They’re caught in an impasse.

“Look, I can see that you’re exhausted. Why don’t you take a nap? We'll have that dinner tonight, that okay with you?” Jolene proposes, clear that won’t get anywhere any time soon.

She runs a hand through her hair. “Yeah, okay.”

* * *

Beth wakes up to the smell of something cooking downstairs. She grabs a robe—the one that Alma used to wear, and saunters off into the kitchen.

The kitchen smells amazing but when Beth turns the corner she sees it all in disarray, pots and pans towering the sink, dishes littering the kitchen counters. She sees Jolene by the stove, dancing to Tommy Roe’s ‘Dizzy’ on the radio. Beth turns the volume down just enough so they could still enjoy the music in the background and Jolene spots her.

“Hey, girl. Sleep okay?”

Beth sits on one of the stools by the kitchen island. “Yeah.” She half smiles, half yawns, still rubbing the sleep from her eyes. “What are you cooking?”

“Just a little somethin’ somethin’. Figured you’d be dead longer for us to go out.”

“I thought I emptied the fridge since I left.” Beth muses.

“Oh yeah, I dropped by the supermarket and got us some stuff. You do need to go grocery shopping, only got us enough food for tonight. I think I got us some eggs for breakfast.” Jolene mostly says to herself then turns back to Beth. “But other than that, shit’s runnin’ dry.”

“Okay.”

Beth and Jolene eat dinner, the low hum of the radio still playing in the background.

“What are you so scared about?” Jolene brings up the topic again.

“Look, I’ve never felt this way about anyone before. I’ve never chased after anyone. I don’t wanna fuck it all up again.” Beth sighs.

“It looks to me like you want to. Chase after him, I mean. Why even go to New York in the first place?” Jolene says her mouth, half full.

Beth doesn’t respond, playing with her food instead.

Jolene swallows. “I know it’s not exactly easy to put yourself out there, especially when it counts, ‘cause believe me I know what that’s like. But Beth, you’re never gonna find out if you keep thinkin’ about the what if’s.”

“I’ve tried calling him, you know? A few days after I got back. He answered the phone” “—And?—” “Well, technically I didn’t even speak. He thought I was a prank caller.”

Jolene groans. “Beth, c’mon now.”

“I know! It’s stupid.” Beth, equally frustrated, rubs at her temples. “I did write him a letter, though. Don’t really know if it’s reached him.”

“If you don’t hear from him in the next few days, I suggest you go through with that call. And talk to him for God’s sakes.”

Beth has had enough of the Benny talk, so she says what Jolene would want to hear, “Okay okay.” She feigns defeat. “Can we just table this discussion for now? I promise I’ll do something about it, but not now. I just wanna get my mind off of him.” She lies, mostly to herself, because when has she ever stopped thinking about Benny. It’s always either chess or Benny. Chess? Or Benny? But somehow in the last few weeks her mind continues to muddle up the line between chess or Benny.

Jolene lets her off, rolling her eyes. “Okay. Why don’t we just go back to your trip to D.C? You haven’t told me about meeting the president yet.” She changes the subject.

Beth, feeling grateful for the switch in the conversation, recalls the final days of her press tour. The evening ends with the two ladies talking way into the night. Their laughter fills the room as they tease and prod at each other while eating what remains of their desserts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys, sorry I've been MIA for *checks watch* 2 months,,, oof
> 
> I have been experiencing things... like in the brain area, that are not so good. But I just wanted to share with you Chapter 5 because it's been sitting on my gdocs for as long as I've been away. Can't guarantee any quick updates, but I'll try my best.
> 
> Thanks to my proofreader user/sarjear for helping me out months ago with this (sorry for kind of ghosting u :(( i was having several moments)
> 
> Last note: thank you to all those who left comments and kudos!! These are my life blood and I appreciate every single one of u. And if you like this chapter, leave some comments and kudos,, only if u want to tho.
> 
> See y'all soon xx


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